Forced into Love

Chapter Six

 

Wednesday morning

Buffy watches as Hank and Liam carry Hank’s trunk outside and secure it on the buggy. She drops into the rocker and sighs.

Willow: You okay?

Buffy: I’m fine.

Neither woman notices Liam approaching the open doorway.

Buffy: Is it wrong to want him gone?

Willow: I think you have a right to feel that way

Buffy: He just makes everything so complicated.

Liam listens sadly.

Willow: I understand. He is very demanding.

Buffy: Well I will just enjoy the next two weeks and deal with his return when I have to.

Liam actually smiles as he enters the room

Buffy: Angel? You are still here?

She glances behind his back with concern.

Liam: Your father went on to the docks. I need the papers he had last night. He said they are in his room.

Buffy: I shall get them.

She moves down the hall and into the bedroom. She scoops the documents off the top of the dresser and turns to see him in the doorway.

Buffy: Are these them?

He takes the papers from her and she steps back as he looks them over.

Liam: Yes. Thank you.

He looks at her and smiles.

Liam: I best take these to your father.

Buffy: Okay.

He turns to walk out but turns back.

Liam: See you tonight.

Buffy: Bye.

He walks out as she watches. She lowers herself into the nearby chair. She looks down and strokes and then picks up the throw draped over the arm. Her heart lurches as she recalls her mother’s last weeks. She laid in bed swathed in this woolen blanket. She can still remember how she struggled through the racking coughs to make everyone else feel better. Her father actually seemed to show emotions during those last two weeks. Buffy begins to cry as she recalls her mother’s last days. Even though Buffy could never deny her father truly loved her mother, she never saw him show any real caring. Buffy recalls Liam’s care on the boat. Even though she knows he does not love her, she revels in the fact he is compassionate. She tries to convince herself that should be enough. But her young heart wants it all. She wants to be loved. She begins crying harder. She is not sure if it is for what she has lost or what she is denied.

 

Wednesday evening.

Liam enters the front door and sets the bound journal and papers on the secretary nearby. He glances into the dining room to see Willow setting the table. He watches her place glasses at each end

Liam: Willow.

Willow: Yes, sir.

Liam: I would rather sit in my usual seat.

Willow: As you wish, sir.

She moves the place setting to the other end of the table. She looks up to see him gone.

 

Liam enters the bedroom door and pauses on seeing Buffy folding clothes. She lifts an armload of clean cotton shirts and twirls around to the dresser. Her body collides with the muscular form behind her. The clothes tumble from her arms as his hands grip her arms gently.

Buffy: Oh.

Liam: You okay?

Buffy nods as she tries to calm her racing heart from the scare. Her eyes connect with his and she unconsciously wets her dry lips with the tip of her tongue. His eyes move to her mouth for a moment before she moves her head and glances at the puddle of cloth at their feet. He follows her gaze and releases her arms and stoops to pick up his shirts. He pulls back as Buffy reaches for them.

Liam: My fault. I will fix them.

She nods numbly and turns back to the rest of the laundry. As she turns around more cautiously with another stack, she see him refolding a shirt before placing it in the drawer. She waits until he closes the drawer and then she approaches. He opens the drawer for her and she smiles.

Buffy: Thank you.

Liam: No need to thank me. They do appear to be mine.

Buffy blushes.

Liam: Is that all?

Buffy: That is the last. Supper should be ready. There is fresh water in the pitcher.

Liam: Thank you.

She moves to leave.

Liam: Buffy?

Buffy: Yes?

Liam: I hope I did not frighten you.

Buffy: You didn’t. Well not really. I am just not used to running into a man in the bedroom.

She blushes again.

Buffy: If you need anything at all please ask.

She scurries down the hall as he starts to wash up.

 

After dinner, Buffy helps Willow clean up before moving into the living room. She lights an oil lamp before glancing into the dining room. Liam sits pondering the papers in front of him. Buffy lights a second lamp and carries it in. She places it on the table near him. He stands at her presence.

Buffy: This should help.

Liam: Not unless it knows how to work up the cargo manifests.

Buffy: Oh those are not fun.

She sits down and he does also.

Liam: I have to decide what goes on each boat and make the most money.

Buffy: And not over fill the cargo hull by size or weight.

Liam: Exactly.

Buffy picks up a shipping request.

Buffy: A shipment of grain going to New York. That will take up a lot of space and can be heavy. But it does not pay too well.

Liam: And I have a few others going there.

Buffy: But it can not wait either. Which ship is expected in next?

Liam: The Buffy Anne should be here this week.

Buffy: Well it is larger than the Calypso, so it can handle the grain and another sizable cargo as long as it is not too heavy.

Liam picks up a stack of papers and flips through them.

Liam: I just have to decide which one goes now and which waits for the Calypso.

Buffy: Can I see?

Liam: I guess.

Buffy takes the stack and looks through them. She puts them in four piles.

Buffy: Okay. We can send the grain and the cotton on the Buffy Anne, along with the hemp.

She picks up a pencil and paper. She writes down the figures and adds them.

Buffy: That will not be too heavy and should bring in a reasonable profit.

He looks over her sums

Liam: Buffy, according to your own calculations it will not all fit in the hull.

Buffy: Not in the main hull but you can store a few barrels in the first mate’s cabins since Captain Finn does not have one.

Liam cocks his head and looks at her.

Liam: You seem to know a lot about all of this.

Buffy: Well mother taught me. She did what she could to help father.

Liam: Your mother must to have been an amazing woman.

Buffy: Oh she was.

Liam: You miss her a lot.

Buffy: I do. Everyday.

Buffy sighs and picks up the next stack of requests and again calculates totals.

Buffy: Now all this will fit on the Calypso but it won’t be full. Do you have any others?

Liam: Not as of now.

Buffy: Well something new may show up by the time the ship gets here.

Liam: It may.

Buffy: And if not you can always check with Captain Markham. He may have something he can’t handle. He and father have assisted each other over the years.

Liam: He has the Lady Scarlet, correct?

Buffy: He does.

Liam: Your father mentioned him. I believe he is due back from the homeland this week.

Buffy: Perfect.

He reaches over and takes the papers from her and glances at them and her figures. He quickly checks her calculations.

Liam: I am most appreciative of your help. You saved me a lot of time.

Buffy: You would have gotten it eventually.

Liam: Yes, but now I have a bit of time.

Buffy: Well unless you need something, I will be turning in.

Liam: I am fine.

He stands up and offers her his hand. She takes it and rises to her feet.

Liam: Do you want to read for awhile?

Buffy: That would be nice.

Liam: I will be in shortly.

Buffy walks away as Liam gathers his papers and extinguishes the light. He wanders into the living room and lays his papers down before securing the front door and moving on to the kitchen and out the back door. He wanders out to the edge of the river. Leaning against a tree, he watches the current move swiftly past. His mind moves to his mother. He can not believe how much he misses her. She and his sister love him unconditionally and here he is in a strange world with no one to care if he was swept away by this river. He thinks about Buffy. Although she does not seem to abhor his presence, he knows she does not love him and he slides down to the ground as he feels the loneliness overwhelm him. He sits on the damp grass and stares morosely at the churning water.

After a few moments of self pity he gathers himself up and heads inside and back to the life he never chose.

 

 

Late Friday afternoon.

Liam sits in his office and goes over the figures once more. He stands up and gathers the payroll. He leaves the office and moves onto the docks. He watches as the men complete stowing the cargo aboard the ship. He feels like a hypocrite being in charge of men who may know more about the business than he does. Although he can not imagine having to work so hard to survive, he actually envies them and their freedom to choose.

As the men finish, they migrate toward him. He waits for Captain Finn to approach.

Liam: Captain?

Riley: Everything appears ready to sail. We will leave at first light.

Liam: Very well. Come up to the office after I am finished and I will give you the necessary documents.

Riley: Will do.

Captain Finn walks off and Liam distributes the wages. When done he moves back toward his office but listens to the workers discuss the tavern down the street. He thinks back to his many nights at his favorite pub in Dublin. He frowns as he reminisces on all that he can no longer do. He glances at the men strolling away to divest themselves of their wages.

Anger continues to fill him as he joins Riley in the office. Liam quickly gathers the papers and hands them to Riley.

Riley: Thank you. I have to say, it is nice not to have to worry about having to take time to secure my own cargo. The time saved will be most appreciated by my wife.

Liam: You are married?

Riley: Yes, she lives with her sister in New York. It is not the perfect arrangement but she is not alone this way. I hope to eventually move her to Wilmington after the baby arrives.

Liam: You have a house here?

Riley: I do. But no furniture. I want her to choose. She will be the one there the most.

Liam: That is a good idea.

Riley: Yes, well again thank you for saving me a lot of time. Hank seems to have made a good choice.

Liam: Just doing my job.

Riley: Well I will see you on my return.

Liam: Good night.

Riley moves toward the door. Before he leaves he turns back and looks at Liam.

Riley: Buffy deserves to be happy, I hope you know that.

Liam: I do.

Riley leaves and Liam straightens his desk before following. He stops outside the door and locks it. His mind again wanders back to Dublin and his evenings there. He strolls down the street toward home. As he nears the local tavern, a man opens the door to enter and the sounds pour onto the street. The cacophony of laughter and voices makes Liam stop. He stands starring at the door for a long moment before he approaches. He slowly opens it and silently enters.

Quickly glancing around at the joyous revelry, he slides into a chair set in a dark corner. He watches as the other men toast to anything they can think of. Young women flit around serving the increasingly rowdy group. Liam recognizes a few men from his crews. As it hits him that he will always be an outsider because of his position, a young brunette leans over his table and he is given an ample view of her womanly curves. She smiles at him as she takes his order for an ale.

As she sashays off he watches her body move. He is disappointed when she disappears from view but it is only for a moment until she returns and places the pewter tankard on his table. He places his coin upon the table, before lifting the drink. His eyes close as the cool liquid splashes over his tongue and down his parched throat. They only open when they feel a warm hand massaging his thigh. He looks up into the sparkling blue eyes of the brunette. He smiles.

Lilah: I’m Lilah. I have not seen you in here before.

Liam: You are right.

Lilah: Just passing through our fair city?

Liam: No, I just moved here.

Lilah: And with that accent, would I be thinking Ireland?

Liam is aware of her hand’s not too subtle invitation that countermands her proper dialogue.

Liam: Dublin actually.

Lilah: Well I hope you find our city to your liking.

She leans closer and lowers her voice.

Lilah: Up the back stairs, third door on the left.

She pulls back, smiles and quickly resumes her normal dialogue.

Lilah: I know it may not be a big city like Dublin, but I think you will find it very friendly and nice place to be.

Liam: I have so far.

She smiles and moves over to another table. He sits sipping his ale and watching her move around the room. After awhile he sees her stop and turn to him. She nods her head before leaving the room. He quietly finishes off the ale before standing. He glances around before slipping out of the main room and into the hallway. Making sure he is not seen, he makes his way to the back of the building. He starts to approach the back stairway when he hears a noise from above. He quickly darts under the stairs and stands in the shadows watching the couple descend.

He stands quietly watching as the young man kisses the petite blonde.

Blonde: You have to go so early.

Man: I’m sorry. With the baby coming soon I need to stay close to home

Blonde: It is so unfair.

Man: I will see you next week. I promise.

Blonde: But once the baby comes you will forget me.

Man: Never. She may be my wife but you know what I like.

He kisses her once more before darting out the back door. Liam stands with his hands clinched in anger. He is tempted to track down and pummel the young man for his actions. He is playing with too many lives in his quest for personal pleasure. Liam watches the young girl head back to the main room before moving back to the foot of the stairs. He places his foot on the bottom tread before stopping. His hand rests on the banister as he contemplates what lies above.

He could mount these stairs and take many pleasures in the body of Lilah. He could quell his physical desires but he is stilled by the thoughts of Buffy. All this time he knew he was married but suddenly he felt married for the first time. He has a wife. Not one he chose but still she is his wife and she deserves his respect as such. He looks back up the stairs and wonders what Buffy would feel if she knew he had bedded another. He takes a deep breath as he thinks of Lilah above wrapped only in a sheet waiting for him. But then his thoughts careen toward the small waif that shares her bed with him each night.

One more glance up the stairs before he propels himself out the back door and toward the cedar house on Front Street. He wonders if it will ever feel like home. He wonders if he will ever not feel like an intruder. Even if he never does he knows he will never destroy Buffy. She deserves his respect and she will have nothing less.

It is late by the time he approaches the front door. He quietly opens the front door and is shocked to see Buffy sitting in front of the fire sewing.

Liam: You are still awake?

Buffy: Of course. I knew you would be late seeing it is Friday and the Buffy Anne was in port.

She moves toward the kitchen.

Buffy: We only made a stew but I kept it warm.

He stands and looks guiltily at the table set for two. He watches as she carries out two plates of stew and a basket of bread. She looks up and smiles at him.

Liam: You should not have waited for me to eat.

Buffy: Of course I would wait. I know how unpleasant it can be to eat alone.

He holds out her chair and she settles in. He lowers himself down and tries to smile. He can not believe how she always seems to put his needs before her own. He makes a promise to himself that he will never give her a reason to be ashamed of her faith in him. They sit silently eating as he berates his weaknesses.

After the meal, Buffy clears the table and Liam rests in front of the fire. He listens to the woman who carries the title of Mrs. Liam Angelus O’Connor. He follows the sounds of her movements around the kitchen and then down the hall to her room. Their room, he corrects himself. As he hears the door close he begins to think about his father. The man has forced him into a marriage to a girl not much older than his own sister. He will never force himself on her and after tonight he knows he will never seek physical pleasure outside their marriage. He comes to the disturbing realization that his father has in effect castrated him. He tries to accept his fate as he moves toward the back door and the outhouse. He has only one outlet left for his physical frustration.

 

Later as he re-enters the house he feels no better. His soul is still aching from all he has lost. He has no mother and no sister. He has no one to love him. He is shocked to realize that what he is missing is not the sexual release or companionship Darla provided but the love his family and friends gave him. He creeps into the dark room and silently disrobes to his long shirt and underdrawers. As he slides under the covers he encounters the small hand invading his space. He clasps it in his own and slides it over. As he lays back he still softly grips the warm appendage. She is suddenly his only salvation. This petite woman is the only person who seems to care about his existence. He is still holding her hand as he allows the sleep to consume his warring thoughts. His last thought before he succumbs is of Buffy.

 

Saturday morning

Liam wakes up to the smells of coffee and baking. He looks around at the brightly lit room. His clothes from the day before are gone. Standing up he sees the pitcher of fresh water on the wash stand. He slips on a clean pair of breeches before gathering his shaving cup and blade. Sliding off his shirt he relishes the unhurried pace of the day. He knows he will have to go to the office but first he will indulge himself with a shave.

He pulls back his hair and begins to work the lather in the cup. He is unaware of the woman watching him from the doorway until she moves forward and traces her fingers over his tattoo. He resists flinching and allows her to set the boundaries. He is amazed she is not appalled at his exposed torso.

Buffy: What is it?

Liam: A griffin. It is from Greek Mythology.

Buffy: Looks like a cat with wings.

He turns and smiles down at her and she meets his gaze. He is again amazed she is not diverting her eyes.

Buffy: Are you shaving?

Liam: Yes. Do you need me?

Buffy: No, but do mind if I watch?

Liam: Why?

Buffy: Just curious.

Liam looks at her intently.

Buffy: I will leave if I make you uncomfortable.

Liam: You don’t.

She moves over and sits on the bed as he begins to spread the lather on his face. She watches as he carefully moves the blade over his neck and cheeks. Her eyes widen as the white foam disappears and smooth flesh appears. His expertise with the blade awes her.

He glances over at her and smiles.

Buffy: How do you not cut yourself?

Liam: Many years of practice.

He holds out the razor and smiles.

Liam: You can try.

Buffy: On you? I will hurt you.

Liam: No you won’t.

He nods and she moves closer. He hands her the blade and wraps his hand around her. She steps closer as he guides her hand to his cheek and shows her the proper angle. She holds her breath as their hands jointly glide the sharp metal over his skin. She sighs as she sees his unmarred flesh appears. Liam dips the blade in the basin water before releasing her hand. He turns to her and smiles.

Liam: See no danger.

Buffy nods and he points to the last section.

Liam: I trust you.

Her eyes widen as he looks down at her.

Buffy: If I cut you it is your fault.

Liam: You won’t.

She raises the blade and following his earlier lesson, slowly but deftly removes the remnants of his beard. Her hands shakes as she hands him the blade.

Liam: Thank you.

Buffy smiles. Liam splashes fresh water on his face and removes the remaining lather.

Buffy: I will leave you to dress. Breakfast is ready.

Liam: I will be right out.

She walks out the door and closes it behind her. As she moves down the hall her heart continues to pound furiously. She is shocked at her own brazen behavior. But she reminds herself that God has sanctioned their relationship and she should not be ashamed. And she tells herself he did not seem offended by her interest.